I know that there are plenty of lists of the “Ten Worst
Inventions” or “Top 100 Bad Ideas” – lists that include New Coke, the Edsel, the
motorized surfboard or the machine gun that shoots around a corner. But those are all obviously flawed and never
became popular. And then there are lists
of ideas that were very popular at one time and now you wonder why they seemed
like such good ideas – like pet rocks or eight-track tapes (fade out – click –
fade in…who thought that was an acceptable idea??). As much fun as those lists are, I’m not
intending here to duplicate those lists.
I’m taking a different approach.
I want to consider ideas that are still very much in use today and,
as far as I can tell, probably will still be used in the foreseeable future.
First, a few caveats and rules. This list will, necessarily, be U.S.-centric,
although I believe some of these are used world-wide. Most of these inventions/ideas have been
around for a long time. But the key
point is that they are still in use and still accepted as if they were good
ideas today! Actually, I think the #1
item on my list is going to become a thing of the past, but the others seem
fairly well-entrenched in our society. But,
in my opinion, they should all go. And
we would all be better off for it!
Given the basic topic, I had to make some additional
requirements – otherwise the list becomes kind of boring. First, I left out all inventions related
to war. One could certainly make the
argument that the atomic bomb was the worst invention of all time – at least on
some level. Or that gunpowder was a bad
idea. If you think war is fundamentally
bad, then these would certainly be bad ideas, despite the fact that they have
other positive uses. But if you kept war
inventions on the list, then that would be the whole list and it would hardly
be interesting. Second, I left
medicines off the list. Medicines of
course can be great, but can also have awful side-effects. Chemotherapy, for example, would probably be
on the list of “worst inventions” even though it saves lives. Opiates would also be on that list. Further, I didn’t include anything related
to tobacco or alcohol. I think the
point with many of those items is that even the inventors of those things
recognized that they had both positives and negatives (like chemotherapy). So…none of those things are on the list.
Of course, this is my list so I picked the things I
think are the worst. You may disagree
with me on some of these and some of them may not annoy you as much as they
annoy me. So…you should make your own
list! Maybe someday we can get rid of
these and replace them with better ideas.
Worst Idea #5: Speed Bumps
Speed bumps are a bad idea. I’m talking about those lumps of asphalt
placed in parking lots or sometimes on streets that are jarring to your
car. They are placed there so that people
don’t drive too fast. To me they are
extremely annoying. They are
uncomfortable to drive over and they surely are not good for your car. They have no redeeming qualities.
What makes this a bad idea? Well, they are designed to solve the problem
of people driving too fast in certain places.
Apparently, signs saying “slow down” or “speed limit 10 miles per hour”
don’t work. Having police or someone
monitor the location is just too expensive.
But a speed bump hardly seems like a good solution. I imagine some meeting somewhere where this
was first discussed. “I have an
idea: let’s destroy the road so badly
that people can’t drive fast over the road or it will destroy their car.” Seriously?
That’s the best idea anyone could think up??? A speed bump is like creating an intentional
chuck-hole in the road, and then maintaining it so that it stays as a chuck-hole.
This has one of the key features of bad ideas that you
will see as a theme in this list: it
punishes everyone equally when only a few people are really being
targeted. Not everyone speeds along in a
parking lot. In fact, most people
proceed slowly because they don’t want to get into an accident. Yes, there are a few crazy people. But punishing everyone seems like a bad idea. In fact, it makes me wonder: if fear of messing up their car in a parking
lot fender-bender doesn’t cause people to go slower, then why would creating a
bunch of chuck-holes make people go slower?
Do speed bumps even work? Yet
they are everywhere. Bad idea.
Worst Idea #4: English System of Measurement
I’m not talking here about the original invention of the
foot, yard, mile, pound, etc. Those
original ideas are fundamental and important.
But I’m considering the continued, stubborn use of the English System to
be the #4 worst idea. The metric system
is just better. No one would pick the
English System in a blind taste test. But
we, in the U.S., keep drinking the English System coolaid even though it tastes
bad and is more expensive. How can that
not be one of the worst ideas ever?
But really, what’s so bad about keeping both systems
around, as we do in the U.S.? Well…many,
many, many, many things. First, it
hinders communication. When other people
across the world use the metric system, we are unfamiliar with what they are
referring to. I know that language
barriers are difficult (which, by the way, probably should have been on my
list), but why should we throw in something so basic as units of measure? Second, trying to maintain two units,
switching back and forth, creates opportunity for mistakes…like the Hubble! That was one expensive missed unit
conversion. Third, the English System is
more difficult to learn…and we make our kids learn both. In fact, we make them learn how to convert
units from one system into another.
Fourth, it is an extra expense for the average consumer. For example, I have an English and a metric
socket set. And those costs are hidden
in other products – mechanics, for example, have to have two full sets of
tools, and that expense gets passed on to the consumer.
I know there are major problems with converting to the
metric system. I remember some big push
in the mid-70s when I was told we were going to switch en masse – as a
nation – to the metric system on some day (or at least that’s how my kid-mind
translated it). Highway speed limit
signs were changed to km/h. Radio
stations started giving the temperature in Celsius. It was weird.
People tried changing their idioms…”a kilogram of flesh” or “walk a
kilometer in their shoes.” Whatever that
was (I guess that was the Metric Act in the 70’s – I don’t know exactly – I was
a clueless teenager at that time), it was a dismal failure. The fact that car speedometers have km/h as
well as mph dates back to that time I think.
In fact, as I recall, cars around that time had the km/h as the large
numbers and mph as the small numbers. Well…
that didn’t work!
The biggest difficulty with conversion to the metric
system, though, is the manufacturing base.
The fundamental components of manufacturing systems are based on the
English system. It’s not just that the
milling machine bit is one quarter inch in diameter with a one quarter inch
shaft. It comes down to issues such as milling machines being built on drive
screws with English units (hundredths of an inch). Every scale on the machine is in hundredths
of an inch. Converting such a machine,
if it is even possible, is very expensive.
And it comes down to the manufacture of basic building materials. Houses are made with 2X4 studs and half inch
plywood sheets. All totally based on
English units. And those sizes don’t
convert to any reasonable round number metric units. To change all of that infrastructure is an
incredible expense. The more you think
about how the basic units of measure affect every aspect of your lives, the
more you realize what a daunting task it is to convert the entire country’s
infrastructure to a metric-based system.
I don’t know if we will ever change. I think each successive generation is more well-versed
in the metric system, so maybe that will influence us over time. Personally, I will know we’ve made the
fundamental change when I go to the lumberyard and have to buy 45X90s instead
of 2X4s and when plywood comes only in logical metric thicknesses (10mm, 25mm). Then I know we will have made the leap and
left this bad idea. And guess what? Even though I know it’s a bad idea to stick
with the English system, I will not be happy!
I will still have a workshop full of tools and bits and jigs and fixtures
that are all designed around English units.
Instead of being able to pass them on to my kids, they’ll probably just
end up as scrap metal. Melted down, I
suppose, and turned into metric tools!
Worst Idea #3: Keys and Passwords
Yes,
I know that this is an unusual entry and probably not on most people’s lists of
bad inventions. What's wrong with keys? Keys can be very creative. Coupled with locks, it’s actually quite an
impressive technology in and of itself. However,
my contention is that, though keys are extremely creative, the whole need for
keys (and locks) is based on a fundamentally flawed foundation.
Why
do we need keys and locks and passwords? For example, I have some kind of electronic
key for my minivan (that apparently would cost me hundreds of dollars to
replace if I lost it – how is that an improvement?). I have to have it to start my car. Why?
Why do I personally have to have a key?
Why do I have to lock the doors whenever I get out? Why? There’s
only one reason: to keep someone else
from stealing my car.
To
me that is the fundamental flaw: keys
solve the wrong problem. The better
solution would have been to change simple human behavior!
Let’s
go back to some ancient time in human history when keys and locks were first invented. I have no idea when that was, but let’s just
say they were invented by the Egyptians some five thousand years ago. Some Pharaoh experienced the problem that
people were taking food from his storehouses and he decided this had to
stop. He sat with his wise council and
heard them come up with two major options. On the one hand, one wise counselor suggested
that they could put a hidden stick through a hidden hole and lock the door to
the storeroom. Only the Pharaoh, who
would be told where the hidden lock was, would know that you needed to remove
the stick in order to get in. The second
wise counselor had a totally different idea.
He suggested that they train people not to steal! Everyone laughed when this wise counselor
brought up his idea. As you might guess,
the first counselor was promoted to the position of Royal Locksmith and was
famous for the rest of his life. And his
hidden stick trick lasted about two days until someone figured out where the
stick was hidden. Then that wise
counselor came up with a new version of his lock, and that took the thieves a
couple of months to figure our…and the cold war between owner and thief was on. And continues to this day. Owners make more complicated locks and
keys. Thieves figure them out. Everything has to be locked up to keep it
safe. A key for your house. A key for your car. A key for your office. A combination for your safe. A combination for your bicycle lock. A key code to get into your bank
account. …a password to get into your
computer…and another password…and another password…and an encryption
service…and so on it goes. The battle
between owners and thieves is never-ending and unwinnable. Just think about how much time and money is
spent making sure our “stuff” is locked up!
There are whole industries built around this constantly escalating cold
war.
And
so we put up with keys and carrying around keys. We have key card access which then gets accidentally
revoked or gets messed up or the card gets lost. I think it would be
interesting to know how much productivity is lost across the world by the need
for security options. And don’t get me
started on passwords! How many do you
have? I have hundreds and there is no
chance that I can memorize them. So, I
have to take the time to look them up just to get into my own accounts. In fact I have a password to get into this
blog! Why? So that you don’t break in and write some
blog for me? Is that a problem? OK – I asked you not to get me started on
passwords.
Here’s
how ridiculous we have gotten with this whole thing. A few years ago I had my car stolen while I
was at work. When I called my insurance
company, one of the first questions they asked me was “was the car
locked?” I assured them that the car was
locked. Later I found out that if my car
hadn’t been locked, my insurance would have denied my claim. Denied my claim? Don’t you see how messed up that thinking
is? The thieves have won! Their behavior is considered so normal that
if I fail to lock up my own car, it’s my fault it got stolen. Is that right?
Well,
I say we should stop laughing at the second wise counselor and just consider it
for a moment. Why do we tolerate
stealing? Everyone agrees it is
wrong. My wife and I have raised five kids.
I've had five different two-year olds,
and, guess what? You teach them not
to steal! You don't just say “Oh
well, that's part of human behavior. Go ahead and take things. We’ll just lock up everything we don’t want
you to have.” Yes, I know - we put locks
on cabinets so the toddlers can't get into them and we put covers over electrical
outlets. But that’s because they are
toddlers and they haven’t learned yet.
But they also aren't going to be deep thinkers in terms of lock-picking
ability. These are simple “locks” for a
brief period of time. But when they get
older we don’t just escalate the “cabinet-lock cold war” and start installing a
deadbolt on every cabinet so that our five-year old can’t get in. No. We
teach them not to steal and we don’t tolerate stealing.
So
why is it that when it comes to adults we have to have all sorts of fancy
contrivances to try to keep rational human beings from stealing our stuff? To me it seems to be an incredible failure of
human ingenuity. We can train two-year-olds,
but we can’t train adults??? To borrow a
common phrase…”We can get someone to the moon and back alive but we can't
figure out how to stop someone from taking things that are not their own?” Doesn’t that seem odd to you? It does to me.
The point is, maybe if the Pharaoh had taken the second
counselor’s advice, and we’d been working on how to modify human behavior for
the past 5000 years, maybe we’d be better off!
Of
course I know that fixing human nature would rival the invention of writing as
the greatest ever. However, to me it's a
sad indictment on our complete inability to modify human behavior. But, then, I also believe that human beings
are fundamentally flawed – unable to live up to even their own personal
standards – but that that’s a whole different topic for another time.
Because
the owner-thief cold war is unwinnable and going to continue for forever, I’m
making keys and passwords my 3rd worst idea – only because it is a
very costly solution to a common problem. Of all the things on my list, this
one is the one I'm certain is going to persist throughout all of human history.
The world is waiting for the top two
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