Lunches with Lucas VII

 [This is a continuing conversation...to start at the beginning, click here]

            I sat at the table, waiting for Lucas to arrive.  After our last lunchtime conversation, I had been doing some thinking and I was ready to seriously consider something he had been bugging me about for years.  Or maybe I was about to call his bluff!  I really wasn't sure which.

 

             "OK - I'm willing," I pronounced, as Lucas took his seat across from me.

 

             Usually Lucas was the one to get the conversation going.  It drove me crazy sometimes.  So he was caught off guard by my statement.  "Willing what?" he asked, clearly confused.

 

             "I've decided that being a 'hardened skeptic' of miracles makes more sense than categorically denying any possibility of miracles," I said.  I had been considering this for some time.  There was a part of me that felt like Lucas had made some good logical points in the past and that it didn't make sense to reject miracles a priori, and then only allow God, if there was a God, to be forced to use miracles as the only means of communication.  That was a cosmic Catch 22 - as long as you put aside the question of whether some all-powerful God could ever be caught in a Catch 22!  But there was also a larger part of me that wanted to see where he was going with his whole train of thought.  Maybe, if I could call his bluff, he would stop badgering me about it.

 

             "Really?" Lucas was clearly pleased.  "What changed your mind?"

 

             "I considered what you said," though I hated admitting it.  "Besides, it seems a bit exciting...maybe even a bit freeing," I said, surprising myself with that last statement.

 

             "That great!" Lucas said enthusiastically.   "Now God can talk to you!"

 

             Lucas was already having too much fun with this.  Maybe I shouldn't have admitted it to him.  "Well, I still don't hear anything," I said.

 

             "I do," Lucas said, intently.

 

             "What - you hear voices?" I said skeptically.

 

             "Yes - I hear you saying 'I still don't hear anything'."  Lucas said, smiling

 

             I rolled my eyes.  "That's dumb.  But I gave your God an opening.  I said I would allow for some remote possibility of miracles.  But I don't see any fireworks and I don't hear any profound voices."

 

             "How can you hear if you don't stop talking?" Lucas asked.

 

             I paused for a moment.  I pursed my lips and cupped my hands by my ears and looked up.  I mockingly waited for a few seconds.  "No, not a peep," I challenged.

 

             "No - I mean really stop talking - like for a whole day."

 

             "A whole day?  Take a vow of silence?  Become a monk?  I finally agree to allow for miracles and now you're making me a monk?"  I didn't get what Lucas was driving at.

 

             "No - not a monk.  But I mean a real day of solitude and listening.  I mean a day where you're away from everything and everyone.  I know of a great place you could go and I think you would really enjoy it." Lucas said, turning practical for once.

 

             "Haha - like being 'in tune with nature'...become like Thoreau?" I asked.

 

             "Well, kind of actually.  But more like being in tune with super-nature!" he said, seeming pleased with his turn of phrase.  "I own that cabin out in the woods and it's a great place to go."

 

             "Oh right.  So is this going to help me see God or hear God or something?"

 

             "Well, actually, it might!" Lucas said, as if he really believed it.  "I just think our lives are too busy for us to contemplate the important things in life.  Clearing your brain is important."

 

             "Well, on that we can agree.  To be honest, it does sound kind of refreshing."

 

             "In my experience, God never resorts to yelling.  He speaks softly.  And so if we never find time for solitude and quiet, we'll never hear his voice," Lucas said.

 

             "Your God is Harry Truman?"

 

             Lucas laughed a bit.  "So...how about it?  Are you ready to do this?"

 

             "Sure," I said.  Though, of course, I wasn't really sure.  But a day away seemed really good to me right now.  I wouldn't have done it on my own.  I just would never make that time.  And I could blame it on Lucas now.

 

             "I just have one thing to ask you to do," Lucas added.

 

             "What?  Homework?  I thought this was supposed to be refreshing," I said.

 

             "During your time of solitude, I want you to ask God to tell you what he's going to do for you," Lucas stated, matter-of-factly.

 

             "What in the world?" I asked. 

 

             "Yes - just a simple request.  Tell God he has to make it obvious to you."

 

             "You think God is really going to talk to me?" I asked, a bit incredulous.  I was looking for a nice weekend alone - not some strange experience. 

 

             "Yes, actually, I really do think God is going to talk to you."

 

             "Well," I laughed, "that would be some kind of miracle right there!"

 

             "Of course it would" Lucas said, and added "enough of a miracle for you to believe in him?

 

             I ignored Lucas' last comment.  He was always pushing me in that direction.  "I mean, I don't hear voices.  Are you talking about hearing an audible voice?"

 

             "I'm talking about a mental state in which you are convinced of something.  Sometimes the most obvious things are voices, but sometimes they are not.  Those rare 'ahah' moments aren't always the result of some audible voice.  But they can be life-changing," Lucas explained.

 

             I wasn't sure I got what he was talking about.  "I'm not sure I get it."

 

             "You will," he said, smiling confidently.

 

             I was a bit intrigued by this discussion.  "You expect some magic is going to happen?"  Then I turned a bit skeptical as I thought about it and remembered I would be in his cabin.  "What - have you installed some kind of intercom equipment in your cabin in the woods so you can 'speak the words of God' to me?"

 

             "No - no intercom," Lucas said.  "Actually, there's nothing there - not even internet."

 

             "No internet?"

 

             "No cell phones either."

 

             "What do you mean?  Is this so remote that there is no cell phone service?"

 

             "It might be, actually," Lucas said, "but part of this agreement is that you have to leave your cell phone at home.  No distractions."

 

             Maybe this wasn't such a great idea.  "Come on.  I need my phone.  What if I have to call someone?  What if some crazy serial killer lives next door?"

 

             "Oh good grief," Lucas said, rolling his eyes.  "Pretend like it's 1980.  You can live for one day without your precious cell phone."

 

             I was becoming a bit apprehensive about the whole thing.            

 

             Lucas picked up my phone off the table and started stroke it with his fingers. "My precious...my precious," he mocked.

 

             "Oh - stop that!  I'm not controlled by my phone!" I protested.

 

             "Good," Lucas said with finality.  "Here's the key."

 

 

 ...on to Lucas VIII

 

Lunches with Lucas VI

 [This is a continuing conversation...to start at the beginning, click here]

 

“Hey - it's been a while - great to see you again!” Lucas exclaimed as I walked toward our familiar table.

“Yes - too long, my friend," I said as I shook his hand, and sat down at the table.  "I guess you were too busy for me” I kidded him, knowing that we were both at fault for the lapse in time.

“Too busy?  I've been waiting here for months!” Lucas said with a smile.  

“Hey look, they have new menus,” I said, glancing down at the table.  "Maybe I'll see if there's something different that I want to order."  I opened up the new menu and started reading, although, to be honest, I didn't really remember if I had ever looked at the old one.  I glanced up and saw that Lucas was just staring at me with a smirk.

"What?" I asked.

"We both know that you are going to order corned beef on rye.  Stop pretending you won't," Lucas exclaimed, laughing at me.

"Maybe I will order soup, just to spite you."

"Hah!  You can't.  You're a creature of habit.  Just admit it," Lucas jabbed as the waitress came over.

Now I was conflicted.  I wanted to prove Lucas wrong.  But what was better than the corned beef on rye?  Why waste money on something I didn't like as much?  But getting back at Lucas and showing I was not just a creature of habit seemed more than worth it.

"The usual?" the waitress asked.

"No, I'll have...." I looked down at the menu again.  Tomato soup?  A BLT?  I felt the pressure of needing to make a decision over something so simple.  So, with an air of smugness at proving Lucas wrong, I finally said "I'll have your corned beef on rye...with extra horseradish please," and sat back.

"So...the usual." the waitress said, and turned away.

Lucas let it pass without comment.  Of course, the fact was, he had ordered his usual too.  What a boring pair of friends we were!  "I think we need a spark of creativity in our lunches!" I said with a smile, "Let's talk about something we've never talked about before."

Lucas seemed ready for that and immediately asked "How about the news about the man who died and then came back to life?"

"Well, that's certainly random, though hardly creative.  I mean, people have been reporting near-death experiences for years.  I remember reading a book a few years ago about a neurosurgeon who had one of those experiences - it was pretty interesting."

"No, I'm talking about the guy who was dead for four days!" Lucas exclaimed.

"What in the world are you talking about?  Did someone post that on Facebook or something?  Because everyone knows that Facebook is the source or real truth," I derided.

"No, as you know, I don't do Facebook.  Actually I read it in a book."

"A book?  What book? " I retorted.

"The book is called 'John'" Lucas said, with a look of finality.

"John?  Never heard of it - who wrote it?  Is this some book that just came out?"  This seemed like a strange conversation to me.  Had he gone off the deep end in the weeks since the last time we had lunch together?  I should not have suggested a 'creative' lunch topic.  This once more reinforced in me that being a creature of habit was generally a good strategy in life!

"Actually, the book was written about 2000 years ago.  Some people refer to it as the Gospel of John..."

"Are you kidding?" I interrupted.  "We meet for lunch after a few months of not getting together and the best you can come up with is to pretend that the resurrection of Jesus happened yesterday?"  Maybe I was a creature of habit with respect to my lunch menu, but Lucas was certainly a creature of habit when it came to bringing up some random topic from the Bible.

"Actually, I was referring to the raising of Lazarus.  And just because something happened long ago doesn't mean it isn't important," Lucas said.

I wasn't going to keep this conversation going, but the mention of Lazarus sparked a memory of a time years ago when I had looked into that event and recalled there was some good retort about it.  What was it?  Suddenly, from the cobwebs of my brain I remembered what it was.  Now I could turn the tables and get something over on Lucas.  "Doesn't the Bible say that you need two or three witnesses to confirm something?" I challenged.

Lucas looked shocked that I would be challenging him about something from the Bible.  "Well...yes it does...why?"

"Well, as I recall, your 'amazing' story about Lazarus is only recorded in your 'book' of John and not anywhere else in the Bible -  or any other book in the entire world, for that matter - so you only have one witness, and he was obviously pretty biased," I proclaimed, quite proud of myself for remembering that detail.

Lucas actually seemed pleased at my response.  "You're right!  I'm impressed you knew that."

"Thank you"

"So, what you're telling me is you need more witnesses before you would believe a miracle?" Lucas asked.

"A lot more!"

"Okay - what about the time Jesus fed 5000 people with just a few bits of bread and fish?  I mean, at least 5000 people saw that, plus the disciples and Jesus...plus it's recorded in all four gospels, so that means at least 5000+10+1+2 = 5013 people saw it." 

I ignored his goofy math.  "I'd like to talk to those 5000 people and confirm that story...but I can't...because they're all dead and they've been dead for 2000 years, assuming they existed at all!  That's not real evidence.  Lots of people have claimed lots of impossible things in history.  I don't believe any of them and neither would you if you really thought about it.  Let's talk about something else."

"So, it's not just a lot of witnesses - you need a miracle to happen today, not yesterday," Lucas persisted.

"No - I just need something current.  You're bringing up ancient history.  There's no way to substantiate things that happened so long ago."

"Have you ever heard of Brother Yun?"  Lucas asked.

"Are you changing the subject?  Because, if you are, I'm all for it.  But, no, I've never heard of him."

"He wrote a book about his experiences called 'Heavenly Man'.  It's pretty interesting.  He fasted without food and water for 74 days while in prison and survived.  How about that for a miracle?" Lucas challenged.

"No water for 74 days?  That's impossible, as you know," I stated.

"Impossible...or a miracle.  He's still alive.  Does that count as current enough for you?"

"Have you met this guy?"

"No, but I think he lives in the US now," Lucas said, as if it was helpful.

"You can't believe every goofy story you read in a book and I'm not about to waste my life chasing down everyone's crazy story I hear, just to confirm it was false.  How can you possibly believe that such a story is true?  Did you check it on Snopes?" I asked.

"Actually, I'm not sure if it's true either," Lucas admitted, "but my point is that for you to believe some event like that, it would need to have witnesses, be current, and...you would need the person to be sitting right in front of you.  You need to be able to grill the person yourself, right?"

"Yes, for something that never happened - they better be sitting right in front of me - and even then I'm skeptical.  They'd have to be able to show me proof," I said.

"OK, well, I'm sitting right here and I know you're well aware of how God miraculously intervened in my cancer diagnosis.  Is that sufficient proof?"  Lucas asked.

Now the conversation was becoming uncomfortable.  I certainly remembered the time Lucas had been diagnosed with cancer and then, at an appointment to prepare for chemotherapy, they found no trace of cancer.  Personally, I considered it a "medical mistake", but of course Lucas considered it a miracle.  At the time I was just happy for him and I didn't mind him claiming God cured him.  I was just happy he didn't have cancer.  But I didn't think it was very considerate of him to bring that up now and try to use it to paint me into a corner.  "Well..." I started.

But Lucas sensed he had gone a bit too far and intervened.  "I get it - you view it differently than I do.  And I know we're friends and all, and it happened to me and not to you.  What you really need is to experience something like this yourself."

I wasn't sure that was completely true.  Lucas continued "I mean, at least if it happens to you, then you don't have to worry about trying to determine if someone is telling the truth."

"I don't know if it has to happen to me, specifically - but I would have to be totally convinced of the truth of it," I said.

"But if you're not convinced that I was telling the truth about my cancer diagnosis, then it seems like the only one you would really believe is yourself," Lucas said, but not in an accusatory tone.

"I believe you're telling the truth," I said, backtracking a bit.  I didn't really want to get into an argument about that event - it was too personal for both of us.  "I mean..." I paused as I searched for an example.  "I'm just not going to stop drinking for 74 days and see if your God keeps me alive!" I said, trying to change the focus of the conversation.

Lucas seemed happy enough to take the conversation in a different direction.  He laughed "no, I wouldn't recommend trying to go without eating or drinking for a couple of months!  And I can't blame you for really needing to be fully convinced.  All the things I talked about happened to someone else, not to you.  So..." Lucas paused, "what about the miracle that you can personally experience every day whenever you want?"

"Right" I said sarcastically.  "I just conjure it up and 'poof', there it is."

"Well, your human ability to exhibit free will is exactly that kind of miracle," Lucas said, as if he really believed it.  "Think about it - it's the perfect miracle that you can test at any time."

"Oh good grief - that's ridiculous.  Just because things like free will aren't fully explained scientifically, it doesn't mean you can put them in the category of 'miracles'.  Even you don't really believe that," I said, challenging him.

"Ah yes - an AYUNE" Lucas said with a smile.

"What?"

"An AYUNE - as yet unexplained natural event," Lucas said.

I rolled my eyes.  "Oh, right, you've used that ridiculous expression before."

"It's fine - I understand why you don't want to view something like free will as being a miracle.  It seems too obvious to us - too natural," Lucas conceded.  "But do you see what you've done here?"

"Yes I see what I've done - I've totally forgotten how painful lunches with you can be," I said with a smile.

Lucas ignored the dig.  "You keep moving the bar."

"What 'bar'?"

"I mean first you needed more witnesses - then you needed something current not old - then you needed to be able to talk to the individual directly - and then even that is not good enough.  And when something happens that you actually experience yourself, you write it off as a natural event anyway.  You will keep moving the bar and nothing will ever be good enough to break through your disbelief," Lucas stated.

"And you say that as if my position is illogical.  But I'm the logical one here.  Most people see things the way I do.  I don't see miracles around every corner or every time I exercise my 'free will' like you do," I said, using air quotes around free will because I knew that really bugged Lucas.  "And I'm comfortable with that."

"My point is that the reason you don't believe in anything supernatural is because you don't want to believe, not because of any lack of evidence.  You've set up your whole concept of the world so that it is impossible for there to be any evidence of the supernatural.  And then you say everything is natural - nothing is supernatural," Lucas pressed.

"There is no evidence for the supernatural," I responded, as our food arrived.

"No - the fact is that you won't allow there to be evidence."

"OK, fine," I said, "I don't believe because I don't want to believe - is that what you want me to say?"

"Well - isn't that true?" Lucas asked.

"So...I said it.  Let's move on to some 'boring' topic of conversation," I said, taking a bite of my corned beef and letting the horseradish clear my mind.  "How's work going for you?"

 

[On to Lucas VII]

 

 

 

 

The one thing I can't stand

             I looked at him.   He looked at me.  I could see he was smoldering but I didn't care.  He wanted to let me have it, but this time I was going to get my words in first and I wasn't going to stop until I was done!  I was sick and tired of his bigotry and intolerance.

             "I am really tired of your judgmental attitude.  If someone doesn't agree 100% with you, then you label them as wrong.  You think you're better than everyone else.  You think you're smarter than everyone else.  I'm not going to put up with that anymore.  You need to learn that other people have a right to their own opinions."

             He kept trying to talk, but I was shouting him down.  What made him think what he had to say was more important than what I had to say?  It was always like that.  But not this time.  This time he was going to hear me if I had to get a bullhorn and put it next to his ear.

             "How can someone with so many wrong views think they are so right?  Can't you see how ridiculous you are being?  You are so narrow-minded.  Has it ever occurred to you that other people might be right and you might be wrong?  Probably not!  Well, I know one thing:  you are totally in the wrong here.  You need to open your eyes and see what everyone else sees.  You know I'm right - you just won't admit it."

             "And another thing:  you are totally incapable of compromise.  If you don't get 100% agreement, you're not satisfied.  Well, I won't be satisfied until you learn the meaning of real compromise.  You need to learn to care about the other person and really listen to what they are saying.  But you're not capable of that, are you?  No - you just go on and on with your one-sided opinion and never let the person get a word in edgewise."

             I was on a roll now.  He was getting red in the face.  Maybe he was hearing what I had to say for the first time.  Maybe not.  I didn't care - I was going to say what I needed to say!  "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance!  And you are the most intolerant, inflexible, dogmatic person I know.  I'm done putting up with your one-sidedness. 

             I looked him straight in the eyes.  He looked straight back.  How could he think he was so right and I was wrong?  I knew I was in the right here.  It was obvious.  Only an idiot couldn't see how wrong he was and it was time I talked some sense into him. 

             "You know what?  If you won't compromise, then neither will I.  I will not tolerate your narrow-minded 'my-way-or-the-highway' thinking.  If you can't see how wrong you are, then I'm gone - our friendship is over.  You're such a hypocrite."

             I still wasn't going to let him get a word in edgewise.  "And you know what?  If everyone was like you, we'd spend all our time arguing and yelling and never listening.  Can you imagine what that would be like?  Of course not - you can't think about anything but yourself.  All you do is put labels on people.  Can't you see how wrong you are?  You never put yourself in the other person's shoes.  You never even give other people's views a second thought.  You boil everything down to your stupid little catch phrases, as if that settled it.  Well, I've got news for you:  it isn't that simple!"

             Now I pointed my finger right up to his face.  I was really heated.  He pointed right back.  Nothing gets my blood pressure up like people pointing in my face.  "You are the most obstinate person I've ever met," I literally shouted.  We were face to face now, ready to come to blows.  "Well - are you going to admit it?  Are you going to admit that you are wrong and I am right?  Say it!"  It was time to drop the mic.  "Or are you going to persist in your rigid, inflexible, narrow-minded, bigoted, hypocritical, totally biased, uncompromising, opinionated, ridiculous intolerance?  Say it or I'm done!"

             I glared at him.  He glared back.  I said nothing.  He said nothing.  I waited for some glimmer - some recognition on his face that he was in the wrong - but there was nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I wasn't going to budge this time.  Silence.  He just glared back.  His lips were sealed.  Silence.  More silence.  It was starting to get a bit awkward.

             And that's when I realized that what they say is true:  it's no use arguing with a mirror!